it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We need to rekindle our bromance
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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