omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize