I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
