Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
