everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
