So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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