actually, I'm a sock model
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
