I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
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i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
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I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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