Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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