Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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