Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
