I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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