i just sent this text using only my big toe
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
