i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
