I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
