I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
