Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
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He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
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You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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