I love black thongs
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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