Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
