youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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