just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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