Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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