dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
