that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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