I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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