If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
