So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
