All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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