Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
