You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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