That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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