Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
