Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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