I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
