Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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