Define "chronic" masturbator.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
