11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
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