omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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