You're completely useless in the revolution.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
