i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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