high people should be assigned attendants
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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