i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
