he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
