i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
