Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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