I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
