Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
