it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
