no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
