i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize