All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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