I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Randomize
