His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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