i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
