she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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