at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
