Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
