you guys were way drunker than both of me
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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