i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
