My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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