margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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