One girl and one boy is just not enough.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize