Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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