My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
