I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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