If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
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