is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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