I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
