The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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