just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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