you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
