I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
