Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
