I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
