well I can't set my house on fire every night
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
