Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
