You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Randomize
