he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
