I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the gays at disneyland are vicious
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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