I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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