your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
