just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
