just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Can I color on your dick again?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
