I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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