No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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