I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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